The Question of Self-Worth
Every young person faces a defining question: Who am I?
The answer to this question shapes every decision they make. It determines their relationships, their choices, and their future.
Yet so many young people carry a distorted view of themselves. They lack self-esteem. They possess no sense of self-worth. No one has ever shown them their true personal value.
When young people don’t know their worth, they make bad decisions. They seek immediate gratification because they carry no sense of the future—no hope. They feel powerless, believing that “whatever happens, happens.” They are always being told what to do, but no one seems to care about what they think or how they feel.
But there is a better way. There is freedom.
The Three Pillars of Self-Worth
According to Josh McDowell in his book His Image My Image, there are three basic emotional pillars which support our sense of self-worth:
| Pillar | Description |
|---|---|
| 1. Belonging | The need to belong, be loved, and know we are special |
| 2. Acceptance | The need to feel accepted and worthwhile |
| 3. Competence | The need to feel adequate and competent |
If one of these pillars is damaged or underdeveloped, our emotional stability and self-image suffer. Our ability to relate to others and make responsible decisions is weakened.
But when these three pillars are well established, young people become empowered with a new confidence and courage. They form stable, healthy relationships and handle whatever life brings their way.
Created in God’s Image
To affirm these three pillars, we need to understand the way God created us.
Genesis 1:26 declares that God created us in His image and likeness. We are like God. We dare not say that we are badly made—that is an insult to our Maker.
C.S. Lewis captured this truth beautifully:
“The fact that we are made in God’s image is honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar on earth.”
The psalmist understood this creation truth and expressed his delight in it:
“For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
— Psalm 139:13-14
Indeed, the whole of Psalm 139 is radiant in its proclamation of God’s personal creation of each individual and His thoughts towards them. In verses 17 and 18, we see that God’s thoughts are so precious and vast that they outnumber the grains of sand. Imagine walking on the sea shore or in a river bed, taking handfuls of sand and knowing that God’s thoughts for you are far more than all those grains of sand.
Three Relationships That Shape Our Identity
John Stott, in his book Issues Facing Christians Today, helps us understand that our dignity and self-worth are established in three key relationships:
1. Relationship with God
We are made in God’s image. We can enjoy a relationship with God which distinguishes us from the animals and gives us a special dignity.
2. Relationship with Each Other
Not only did God say “Let us make man in our image,” but also “it is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). He created man male and female and told them to “be fruitful and increase in number” (Genesis 1:28).
“So sexuality is His creation, marriage is His institution and human companionship His purpose.”
— John Stott
It is part of our nature to relate to each other and to wish to belong, whatever our age, sex, race, or station in life.
3. Relationship with the Earth
In Genesis 1:28, we are told to fill the earth and subdue it and to rule over every living creature. We have a relationship with the earth too. This includes the ability to work and to rest, to share in the earth’s resources, to have food, clothing and shelter, to enjoy life and health and their preservation, together with freedom from poverty, hunger and disease.
All of these, if fulfilled, contribute to our dignity as human beings and so promote a healthy self-image.
The Christian’s Additional Joy
Christians have an additional foundation for their self-worth: the knowledge that they are redeemed by the sacrifice of our Lord Himself.
If God paid such a price for our redemption, we must be infinitely valuable to Him. This knowledge cannot fail to enhance our sense of self-worth.
The Mask We Wear
One of the most powerful illustrations of poor self-image is the concept of masks.
In ancient Greek drama, actors carried masks to show who they were portraying or how they were feeling. A mask hid the real person. The word for ‘actor’—the word ‘hypocrite’—came to mean ‘play actor’, someone putting on a mask and pretending to be different from what they really were underneath.
We all wear masks. We behave differently depending on the situation or who we are with. We hide who we really are.
Why do we wear masks?
- To protect ourselves from being hurt
- To fit in with others
- To hide our insecurities
- To project an image of strength
What are we trying to hide?
- Our fears
- Our inadequacies
- Our doubts
- Our pain
Who are we trying to hide from?
- Others
- Ourselves
- Sometimes even from God
But Jesus came to set us free. He came to remove our masks and to free us to be our true selves—the people God created us to be.
The World’s Value System vs. God’s Value System
Society values:
- Beauty — good looks, physical attractiveness
- Brains — intelligence, academic success
- Brawn — strength, sporting ability
- Bucks — wealth, power, status
Those who don’t measure up to this value system often feel foolish or weak. They feel inadequate and insecure.
But God’s value system is different:
On Beauty:
“Charm is deceitful, beauty is vain. A woman who fears the Lord shall be praised.”
— Proverbs 31:30
“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on jewellery, or beautiful clothes, or hair arrangement. Be beautiful inside, in your hearts, with the lasting charm of a gentle and quiet spirit which is so precious to God.”
— 1 Peter 3:3-4
On Brains:
“God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise.”
— 1 Corinthians 1:27
On Brawn:
“The speed of a horse is nothing to Him. How puny in His sight is the strength of a man. But His joy is in those who reverence Him, those who expect Him to be loving and kind.”
— Psalm 147:10-11
On Bucks:
“He who loves money shall never have enough. The foolishness of thinking that wealth brings happiness! The more you have, the more you spend, right up to the limits of your income, so what is the advantage of wealth?”
— Ecclesiastes 5:10-11
God’s value system is concerned with what is on the inside—the heart, the character, the spirit. He looks at the heart, not the outward appearance (1 Samuel 16:7).
Walking on Shaky Ground
If we build our self-image on the world’s value system, we are walking on shaky ground.
When our identity is based on:
- How we look
- How smart we are
- How much money we have
- What others think of us
It can all be taken away.
But when our identity is based on:
- Who God says we are
- The price He paid for us
- The image in which we were created
- The love He has for us
It is unshakeable.
Part of the Family Impact team writing to equip families across Bulawayo and beyond.
