Words That Shape a Legacy: Guarding What We Say to Our Children

The Reality of Parenting Under Pressure

Picture this: Chipo comes in, throws her jersey on the kitchen table, knocks over the dog’s water bowl, and grabs a handful of food on the way to her room.

”Chipo, come back here, you clumsy girl. How could you be so stupid and inconsiderate? You never think of anyone but yourself,” shouts her mother.

Or consider a quiet Sunday afternoon when all Dad wants to do is relax with a good book. Then it starts:

”Did not.”

”Did.”

”Daddy. He hit me.”

The father explodes, ”Out of my sight both of you. I wish we’d never had children.”

Many of us have said things like these to our children—words that we wish we could take back. Let’s face it, there are times when parents feel their children could drive them crazy, and our reactions easily communicate frustration and irritation.

While the occasional angry remark will not ruin a child for life, continually using critical and abusive language is neither the right way to talk to children nor an effective way to teach them behavior. A barrage of such comments can systematically destroy a child’s confidence.

The Long-Term Echo of Harsh Words

The impact of what we say in moments of anger often lingers far into adulthood. One woman still remembers a frequent comment of her mother’s: “I am glad we had your sister. You are nothing but trouble.”

Similarly, forty-year-old Obert still smarts from his father’s words: “He told me I was an idiot with such contempt that it really hurt. I still get a tight feeling when I think about it.”

Usually, when we make hurtful comments, it stems from frustration, anger, or exhaustion. Even if lashing out feels like a natural reaction in the heat of the moment, we must remember the lasting effect our behavior has on others.

Breaking the Cycle Through Grace

Praise God, we do not have to stay trapped in these patterns. We can confess our sins both to our children and to God, holding fast to His promise to forgive us because He is faithful.

We influence our children daily by what we say and how we behave. Because adults so often merely repeat what they grew up with, we must intentionally ask God to help us break the cycle.

Raising Children with Purpose

Our children are not with us for long. While they will always be part of our family, by the age of twelve or thirteen they are nearly adolescent, and by eighteen or twenty they are ready to leave home.

As Christian parents, our goal is clear:

• We want them to grow into independent, self-disciplined, Christian adults.
• We want them to know deeply that they are loved by us and loved by God.
• We want them to understand that they are made in His image and possess great intrinsic value.
• Ultimately, we want our children to be much better people than we were or are.